Wednesday morning.....5 days before Amnio!

Ok, so I have 5 more days until the big Amniocentesis. I am scared. It all began on December 10th. I ahd went to an NT scan (nucal translucency) on the 6th. I had an U/S and some Blood taken- 6 drops to be exact. Well I received a call on the 10th that my bloodwork and my age determined that I was at an increased risk for Down's Syndrome. My heart sank. I didn't know what to do, or say, or feel. I kind of didn't believe it. She told me some stats like 1 in 40 and 1 in 75, but I was kind of numb. How could this be happening to me? I have had 4 beautiful children, I am only 38 for crying out loud. I am not 45, or 50! Geesh. BUT it scared me. We discussed having more tests and the Amnio came up! NEVER would I have had an amnio before. NEVER. I said it my whole life. I said there is no way I can rsik the baby like that. Well that is until it came to it being real to me. I am very lucky. I am a Christian and live my life by what the bible says. I do not swear, smoke. drugs, drink, get drunk, and whatever else is there. I know God has a plan and whatever his will is, is what I will do. That being said we have had some pretty intense conversations and me asking, and then begging that things are alright with our baby. We have told a select few people. We told our minister- but I dare NOT tell me older kids, well one is 20 and the other 16- and I don't want to be told that I should have stopped last kid!! Anyway- I have done a lot of research and I owner and operated a daycare for 10 years until 2004. I had and still have a friend who has a daughter (who I was just with 2 weeks ago) who has DS. I cared for her and she is the best- the most loving. I have surrendered to whatever God's will is for me. I am actually very excited to see my baby on the screen again during the U/S. I am also very fortunate to have a personal friend from church who is an OB, and I called her and asked her tons of questions. I am also so fortunate to have the largest hospital on the East Coast at my disposal for prenatal care and the amnio. They do them all the time- several a day so I am in good hands. There is always a risk of miscarriage and infection, and other things, but I am choosing to not dwell on those and to think positively and concentrate on the fact that by Next Wednesday I will know if this baby is a girl or boy!!! AMEN to that.